Pre-marital kissing
My parents tell me all the time this issue comes up, “No sex until you married!!” Well I agree with that as a young Christian. But I have never gotten the chance to ask them about kissing while dating. I guess I would say if put to the test, “So what about kissing?”, and being the relationship scholars that they are would probably tell me to check the bible. Hmmm?
Sometimes it is good to take time out as Christians to address certain issues that flash or pound on the minds of young Christians. I bravely raise this issue of kissing before marriage, or pre-marital kissing. I recently joined a group on hi5 called Relationships 101 for young Christians, and of course my eyes got stuck on a topic ‘to kiss or not to kiss that is the question’. It sounds Shakespearian to me but that really is the question.
‘To kiss or not to kiss that is the question’
One writer asserts that what most Christians fail to realize is that kissing in the right context is a sexual act and according to the bible no sexual act should be performed outside of marriage, hence the priest says on the big day, ‘you may now kiss your bride’. She asserts that at this point certain permission has been granted to kiss.
Another view expressed was that there is nothing wrong with kissing before marriage, and for her it was simply a way they used to show their affection towards each other. She marked clearly that kissing is not the only way but one of the ways. However during their courtship she admitted that if they felt that kissing may take them too far they did other things, which included going on kissing breaks, doing other types of kisses, no touching while kissing and the like. It worked for her, she said. She knew her boundaries and stayed well within them. She stressed the important thing and that was obeying the parameters.
‘We are free…’
We are free to categorize sexual acts as we please, because the bible does not expressly address these issues, like for example, masturbation and oral sex (God help us!!), and kissing before marriage. But if we are so convicted and convinced that kissing forms apart of the sexual act in itself, then it would follow logically that kissing out of marriage would amount to fornication. Another possible view which I endorse is that if we are to treat our potential partners as we do our siblings, then kissing and petting would only amount to an incestuous deed. So what do you think? To kiss, or not to kiss?
Shereika N S Hemmings
- Have you seen: The Bible’s Primary Message (pt1)
My parents tell me all the...
February 5th, 2007 at 9:59 am
My take,not to.Whether or not we like it kissing is the beginning of sex.That statement that pastors say,” You may now kiss the bride” was taunting me.If he says you may now,does it mean you should have never.
Yea alot people have alot to say on this issue,but my take is-when ou do kiss so may parameters have to be set.You know,like no petting,or yes petting but keep your clothes on,you know stuff like that.That seems like too much work.This issue is of great debate but I just resort to not doing it,i have a much freer conscience.
February 25th, 2007 at 6:45 am
This is a very tough question…the decision to kiss must be judged according on the atmosphere, the level of intimacy developed within the relationship, etc. A safeguard would be not to do it if you don’t plan on getting married to the person. The media has got a lot to do with us being desensitised to the seriousness of the matter.
March 24th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
GOOD ARTICLE. A VERY TOPICAL ISSUE FOR YOUTHS. I SUGGEST NOT TO AS THIS MAY LEAD TO REGRETTABLE ACTIONS
March 28th, 2007 at 5:18 am
This issue is a tough one. First of all we must remember that there are different types of kissing. There is the “peck” and there is what is called the “french kiss”. Now I don’t see where there is a problem with the peck but if you are in a relationship with someone with whom you have developed sexual fellings towards and you should engage in french kissing, it would be really hard to contain your imagination. The bible says walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. French kissing is certainly not spiritual or condusive to a fruitful relationship with God; hence, don’t do it.
April 14th, 2007 at 8:57 am
‘ To kiss o not to kiss’ this is a very topical issue and as a christian it is very copmforting to hear the Views of others in relation to this issue. Personally i do believe that kissing can be done before marriage ,however we need to limit ourselves to the speakable; meaning will God be pleased after this kiss- with the constant reminder to ourselves each time the thought of fornication pops in the mind ;that the eyes of God is a window that we can never close we -we will be amazed how well we are able to curtail the carnal man.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
‘To kiss or not to kiss that is the question’
‘you may now kiss your bride’. She asserts that at this point certain permission has been granted to kiss.
Wow That comment certainly had me thinkin…never crossed my mind, y is a kiss so symbolic in the sealing of the marriage union? Is it really as sacred as sexual intercourse itself?…hmmm
According 2 Wikipedia:
French kissing stimulates the lips, tongue and mouth, which are all areas very sensitive to touch. It is considered by many to be both very pleasurable and highly intimate. Unlike other forms of “casual” kissing (such as brief kisses of greeting or friendship), episodes of French kissing will often be prolonged, intense, and passionate.
So t question still remains…2 kiss or not 2 kiss? itz in our nature- our biological definition to react to certain areas of sensitivity & sensuality whether in thought and/or action…so…itz a tough issue n I’ll leave my 2 cents as “may t holy spirit lead u”…
May 15th, 2007 at 8:54 am
my take on the matter (as one who has been there and done it…several times…..and would certainly change it ALL if i could go back in time) a rule we could use for life as my pastor has often said is:
anything that will dim my vision of Christ or take away my taste for Bible study or cramps my prayer life in any way or makes christian work difficult…is very much wrong for me and i must AS A CHRISTIAN turn away from it.
this is the only true way to live!
May 17th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
total abstinence enuh, right until marriage- for me at least. i really think we should value each other’s best interest first (as the bible shows us)- and that means protecting a person from being emotionally hurt as much as is possible. When i enter a relationship it is with the intension of that relationship being significant-leading to marriage- so i wait patiently for my girl…and my hope is to do like the Apostle Paul said, in not defrauding her (meaning, leading her on, taking advantage of her physically, emotionally or any way- and then disappointing her). My point yo don’t know for sure, for sure until marriage and so if you truly value a person’s emotional health, and their friendship, you will wait for the right time to INDULGE physically…
Truth is the physical thing is the easiest to work on…spend time working on cultivating a real friendship in your relationship- get to know the person, their mind, their purpose- Get to know God together- ereting wid di physichal soon soon come.
May 18th, 2007 at 4:06 am
a very good reminder, andrew, very good…! though, it depends on what one means by pre-marital kissing here…i judge that tongue tennis is what everyone has got in mind!!!
May 21st, 2007 at 5:08 pm
good stuff Andrew im with u on that most def….may God keep us all til t blessed day yuh kno
December 11th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Personnally, I do not believe in kissing before marriage. Before I became a christian I was involved in these sexually activities so I understand the impact. Thing is, God asks us for our bodies, every aspect of it. though it seem simple, a little kiss violates that. The form of dating that we have learnt (from America I guess), I don’t see any evidence of it in the bible. People got engaged, men would leave and go make a place for their fiance and the lady would wait until he returns. Actually the first time they are alone together is after their wedding (traditional Jewish weddings). These bible people were very cautious and I don’t see why I should be any less cautious.
Remember that we are still human and we do have sexual drives and Paul did say to flee useful lust. So inorder to avoid a potentially dangerour situation, leave the kissing alone.
June 17th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Interesting that I’ve bucked up on this today. Just yesterday I was viewing a friend’s album of her friend’s wedding.. lol, and in it, she said that that was the first time the couple had kissed.. right after the Pastor said ‘You may now kiss your bride’.. and at first I thought.. =O *gasp!!!!*.. but then about a minute after.. I thought the concept so cool, and beneficial for various reasons..
Then I began to think about when a Pastor says ‘You may now kiss your bride’.. I started wondering to the history of that statement, and maybe, just maybe this is really how God intends it..
When I finally enter into a relationship, I’ll probably talk with my luv about it, and let him know that I gonna keep my lips virgin until that moment… Now I’m so glad about my ‘virgin lips’.. lol It’s really food for thought though.